I’m a Queer Female Witch; I’m Allowed to be Angry

If there has been one emotion which has been the most consistent throughout my reactions to Trump winning (that phrase alone is painful type, by the way), it has been anger. Not shock. I wish I could live in a bubble of privilege where this outcome surprises me. Trump is the human form of America’s racism, misogyny, homophobia, and xenophobia. He has given those people empowerment and a voice. And that both terrifies me and angers me.

I am a Queer Female Witch.

I have so much to fear. I’ll explain for those who, from their place of privilege, don’t understand why I’m so scared.

  • I am not straight.

I am pansexual and identify as Queer. Despite Trump’s new claims that he’ll fight for LGBT individuals, I do not believe him. I do not believe him because, while he might not have any experience in politics, the Republicans he’s surrounded himself with have plenty of experience in hurting the LGBT community.

Mike Pence not only signed a religious freedom bill in 2015 which would allow businesses to discriminate based on sexual orientation, but he also backs conversion therapy. For those who don’t know, conversion therapy is the psychological treatment in an attempt to change one’s sexual orientation. This comes from the belief that sexual orientation is a choice when that is not the case.

  • I am a Woman

Trump and his supporters will do everything in their power to set Women’s Health resources back fifty years. We need better sex education in this country. It has been shown that access to inexpensive or free birth control LOWERS unwanted pregnancies. Fewer unwanted pregnancies = fewer abortions. And don’t Republications want fewer abortions?

Any chance of equal pay is out the window. Women deserve the same pay as men for the same work and the same skill set. It’s that simple.

  • I’m a Witch

So many Republicans claim that this is a Christian nation. It is not. This country was founded on FREEDOM OF RELIGION. And that doesn’t just apply to Christians. I am Wiccan and a practicing witch. I should be free to practice my religion openly without prosecution. Yet, non-Christians are often attacked purely for not believing in the same God. I have been told how I am nothing but a devil worshiper and that I need holy water thrown on me. I’ve also been told that I’m wrong when I tell them my pentagram necklace doesn’t represent Satan and that I shouldn’t wear it if I don’t know what it means. And all of that was BEFORE the election. It terrifies me to think of how I’ll be treated now that those who hate me for just being me feel empowered and justified in their hateful beliefs.

I am a Queer Female Witch who is dating an Autistic Jewish Man; both of us have chronic and mental illnesses. Trump’s America will not be kind to us.

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Don’t take any of this to mean I don’t have a game plan; I do. I have added a Poli Sci major in addition to my Women’s Studies major. I’m planning on pursuing political science as far as I’m able. Government office, everything. I will use my white privilege to fight every single day for my rights and the rights of minorities. In addition having this plan, I’m also allowed to feel every emotion I’ve felt because of this result. I’m allowed to be angry. I’m allowed to be terrified. I’m allowed to cry. I’m allowed to cut people out of my life for supporting a man who doesn’t respect my rights.

I’m not trying to tell anyone else how to move forward. This is just how I’m choosing to. Be angry. Be loud. Be heard.

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Labels: Not Just for Soup Cans.

Discovering one’s self identity is getting so much easier and I truly believe that labels have the potential to be a good thing. If you are the one picking them for yourself. Negatively labeling others is not what I’m referring to here.

I’m referring to labels which help an individual discover who they are and help them present themselves in a way which is most accurate.

For example, if I were to tell someone that I’m a pansexual/panromantic cis female Libra who is a Wiccan witch and that I’m also an INFP, Ravenclaw (with Hufflepuff tendencies), and a Whovian, they would have a pretty good idea of who I am.

I’ve decided to declare these things about myself publicly so that others know who I am.

I also believe that certain aspects of self-identity and self-labeling open up the conversation regarding identities different from your own. Such as the fact that I’m pansexual/panromantic and cisgender. This encourages awareness regarding the fact that not everyone is straight/cisgender.

What do my labels mean to me? 

I’ve posted other blog posts about being pansexual, my views on polamory, and my spirtual beliefs.

To summarize:

Pansexual: I have found myself attracted to those who were born male and identify as male, those who are born female and identify as female, those who are gender fluid, and those who don’t identify at all.

Cisgender: I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth (female).

Wiccan/witch: (quick disclaimer: someone isn’t automatically a witch if they’re Wiccan and someone isn’t automatically Wiccan if they’re a witch). I believe in all deities and do my best to follow the Wiccan rede. I do perform spells, but I do not curse anyone. Feel free to ask me more about this.

Discovering these aspects about myself has immensely boosted my confidence and gives me a better sense of who I am, when for years I had been lost and didn’t know who that was.

2015 Saved Me

At the end of 2014, I was more than happy to see the year go. 2014 was such a difficult year for me; from losing Jake and my grandma to facing my biggest battle with depression. That battle spilled over into the new year. So often, I felt alone and unwanted and hopeless. I completely understood why people do reckless things when they no longer care. I was nearly at the point of no longer caring. I was at such a low point a year ago that I feel as though she’s a different person from who I am now; who was that broken, damaged girl?

2015 saved me. 2015 was the year that showed me everything was going to be okay. I got onto an anti-depressant again and that was so helpful.

This wasn’t a perfect year; it had its own challenges. I was given another chance at a relationship with a man I thought I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. A man that was terrified to the core of commitment. And yet I begged for his attention; I threw myself at him and he broke my heart just like he had at the end of 2014. It was when he came back into my life in September that I realized he would never change and that I shouldn’t beg to be loved by a person who was completely unable to do so. I realized that someone’s inability to see my worth does not decrease my value.

This lesson was painful, but I’m so thankful to have learned it. It helped me draw the line in how I allow other adults to treat me. I no longer let them dictate who I am and decide what my experiences have been. I’m the only one who has lived my life, I’m the only one who has felt everything I’ve gone through. I’m not afraid to cut ties with people who are toxic and who will do nothing but tear me down.

I’m now the most confident I’ve ever been and I’m not afraid to go after what I want (and who I want). My life is getting better every single day. Do I still have rough days where I feel like shit? YES. But I’m able to get through them much better than I used to.

I’m also incredibly proud of how hard I’ve been working at the job I got in August. It’s kept me busier than I’ve ever been and I love it. I do miss having free time to see my friends though 😦

I’m genuinely looking forward to everything 2016 will hold. I don’t know what that is yet, but I know it will shape me even more. I’m not done growing yet; I’m only 26 and I have my whole life ahead of me.

“Blood is Thicker than Water.”

We’ve all heard this phrase and nearly everyone assumes it means that familial bonds are always stronger than friendships; it means the exact opposite, actually. See, the quote in its entirety is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

It means that relationships and friendships forged by choice are stronger than those which come from familial obligation.

I have found this to be extremely true; I consider many of my closest friends to be like family. My guild at Faire is absolutely a second family to me and I’m not related by blood to any of them. I have been through so much with my friends by my side and I’ve bonded with them in ways I can’t explain. They are my family.

I fully believe that being related by blood does not require blind loyalty. You are not required to let individuals get away with treating you poorly simply because “they’re family.” If family members are not treating you with respect and are just downright toxic, it is absolutely okay to distance yourself. It may even be necessary to cut them out of your life. Your sanity and mental health comes first. If anyone gives you shit for cutting them out of your life, they can fuck off. They aren’t in your situation, they aren’t treated how you’ve been treated. It’s easy to judge from the outside.

If a parent ever says to you, “I sacrificed so much to have you,” know that that’s no excuse for them to treat you however they want. When someone chooses to become a parent, whether intentionally or making the decision to keep a child, those sacrifices that parents make are a given. They’ve chosen to make those sacrifices by becoming a parent; they don’t get to throw that in their child’s face. The child didn’t choose to be born, they didn’t force the parent to make that decision.

Giving birth may make someone a mother, but it doesn’t make someone a mom. Being loving, kind, and understanding makes someone a mom. Same with being a dad; simply being a biological father does not make that person a dad.

You are under no obligation to keep toxic parents in your life. You have every right to cut them out of your life and I honestly encourage it if the situation calls for it.

My Thoughts on Polyamory

POLYAMORY: (Literally, poly many + amor love) The state or practice of maintaining multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously, with the full knowledge and consent of all the people involved. Polyamorous: of or related to the practice of polyamory, as in polyamorous relationship: a relationship involving more than two people, or open to involvement by more than two people; polyamorous person: a person who prefers or is open to romantic relationships with more than one partner simultaneously.

It’s important to state right off the bat that polyamory is NOT cheating. Why isn’t it cheating? Honesty. As stated above, all parties involved are aware of and consent to the other individuals, there’s no hiding anyone from each other. They also focus on communication and the fact that everyone is equal. These are key traits which any relationships should have as they are recipes for success.

There are so many different types of poly relationships. In some poly relationships, one individual has a primary partner and a secondary partner, but the primary and secondary partners aren’t dating each other (although they are aware of each other). Other times, all partners involved are emotionally and sexually involved. These are just two types of relationships and not the only two.

It’s extremely important to note that each relationship is different because the parties involved are different; what works for some may not work for others. Which brings me back to polyamory and monogamy as different types of relationships. For some, monogamy works perfectly for them and it’s their preferred type of relationship. For others, they prefer polyamory.

Personally, I am open to poly relationships. I recognize that I have a lot of love to give and the love I have with one individual can be completely different (but just as strong and real) as the love I have with someone else. This isn’t to say that if my partner and I agree to monogamy that I won’t be monogamous; I wouldn’t cheat on them just because I have the ability to be poly. If I say that I am committed to one person, I’m committed to one person. I’m just saying that I’m open to poly relationships if I click with the right people. 

Poly relationships are just as valid and important as monogamous; one is not better than the other and it is not a contest. There’s nothing wrong with being monogamous and there’s nothing wrong with being polyamorous. All are important. If you don’t personally agree with polyamory, then don’t get into a polyamorous relationship. It’s that simple.

The definition at the beginning of this post and many others can be found at: https://www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html

That site does an amazing job of explaining poly relationships very thoroughly and I highly suggest it.

If you have any questions at all, ask me and I will do my best to answer them.

Planned Tattoos

To me, tattoos are ways of expressing myself, documenting things I’ve been through, and displaying things which are important to me. My cousin is a professional tattoo artist, so high quality tattoos have always impressed me and they have always been something I strive for.

I adore tattoos; on myself and others. I currently have two and have so many planned. I figured I’d list out the tattoos I want to get, where I’m planning on getting them, and why I want them.

Left arm:
This will be a Disney themed sleeve. I’ve already started it, in a way, with my Bangarang tattoo. I’ve already picked an artist that I want to start working with for the entire sleeve so that it flows well. I plan on starting this around my birthday as a present to myself. These are a few of the things I want to work into that sleeve.

  • Beauty & the Beast mirror with Belle and Prince Adam in stained glass in the mirror itself.
  • Simba cave drawing
  • Sleeping Beauty’s Castle from Disneyland.
  • Mrs. Potts and Chip
  • Genie’s lamp

Right arm:
In the same font as my Bangarang tattoo, I want to get “O Captain, My Captain” as a nod to one of my favorite Robin Williams movies of all time, Dead Poets Society. Other tattoos will include:

  • Starry Night wrapping around my shoulder with the TARDIS flying through the sky.
  • A traditional anchor that says “Dad” for my dad who was in the Navy.
  • A quilted/patchwork heart that looks like it’s in the middle of being stitched onto my skin in memory of my grandma Ellis who was a quilter.
  • Semi-colon to represent my struggles with depression and anxiety.
  • Something to represent my Grandpa Farny.

Left leg:

  • Traditional heart with “Myself” in the banner. It’s taken me 25 years to love myself completely. I’m going to display that love proudly. I’m getting this on the side of my thigh.
  • Raised fist inside Venus symbol made of flowers to represent feminism. Probably going to get this on the front of my thigh.
  • Purple awareness ribbon that says “Hope” for epilepsy awareness on the top of my left foot.

Right Leg:

  • Front of my thigh: two birds on some branches as a memorial tattoo for my older sister Julie.
  • USMC Bulldog for my grandpa Bob who was a Marine with a cute mouse for my grandma Rosemary.

That’s it for now, but I am sure that I will get more than just these.

Oh, Hey, I’m Pansexual; No, I Don’t Fuck Kitchenware.

I’m fairly open about this when asked directly, but yes, I’m pansexual. I figured I’d explain exactly what that means in the general sense and what it means to me.

What does pansexual mean?
I define pansexuality as not taking into consideration someone’s gender identity when you’re attracted to them. I have found myself attracted to those who were born male and identify as male, those who are born female and identify as female, those who are gender fluid, and those who don’t identify at all.

So you’re not attracted to frying pans?
No. I am not. I’m also not sexually attracted to bread or pandas.

So have you slept with people who are (insert gender identity here)?
That’s none of your business.  Let me repeat that. It is none of your business. I’m not going to tell you who I’ve fucked. That information is between me and whoever I’ve slept with.

That is easy enough to understand. Right? Good.